London and myself have in recent years fallen out of love. I lived there for 10 years before I decided to leave and go to pastures new. I had grown tired of the commute,the people and the humdrum of life that came with the daily grind. I’d started resenting its culture, people and the way it seemed to throw things back in my face. I had given it my heart and soul and at the time, I felt it had given very little back. It was time for me to leave and distance myself before the relationship became toxic.
I have just come back from travelling for 4 months on what I and most of friends would call a “life changing” trip and I cant help feeling down about it. Yes, I should be thankful I have had the opportunities to see the things I have and everyone is obviously really pleased to see me and say how well I look –fitter and healthier but inside I am aching and heartbroken. In short I’m grieving.
I have that awful aching deep in the pit of my stomach, I get teary eyed every time I hear a song which reminds me of my trip, I constantly talking about people I have met trying to keep them alive, always looking at photos and shutting myself away under the pretences I am still tired from my trip. It is like I have lost someone. A dear friend, except this friend is called adventure.
People travel for many reasons – to escape something, to see the world to discover themselves to name a few. The truth is I have started to realise I haven’t seen and done everything I want to in my life. I want for once to do something for me, discover who I am, put myself first as selfish as that seems, instead of doing what others want me to do.
I have been thinking about travelling solo for a while but never had the guts to do it until now.
Why now? Lots of things have changed recently in my life I have relocated, changed careers, had more time to think and the unfortunate death of a friend/colleague who I thought would honestly live forever made me realise, I am not immortal or invincible and I can’t wait for fate to deal me a decent hand, I’ve got to go and get it myself!